Njengoko umntu endisebenza naye uJavier Urra esitsho kwincwadi yakhe ethi (The Little Dictator), ukuba ngumzali kuthetha ukuzama ukukhulisa abantwana kakuhle; oku kufuna uthando, ingqiqo, ubuchule, ubugcisa, nolwazi. Ngumsebenzi onzima, kodwa awungomsebenzi ungenakwenzeka.
Ngoko ke, ukuba ngabazali kuthetha ukucinga ukuba imfundo ihlala ihleli, ngaphezu kwezenzo kunamazwi, ukuba imfundo ingamafutha omphefumlo, nokuba kuyimfuneko ukuzifundisa ukuba nobubele, ukuzibamba, nokuziqeqesha, nto leyo eyomeleza ubuchule beemvakalelo.
Kutshanje, singabona indlela uluntu oluye lwatshintsha ngayo izinto, ukusuka kumzekelo wobudlelwane bobuzwilakhe obulawulwa yimithetho yobukhosi ukuya kobo bugxile kakhulu ebantwaneni, ngaphandle koxinzelelo. Iintsapho ziye zaba zizinto ezivumelayo. Zilahlekelwe zizinto ezifunekayo zokuzibamba ebomini bomntwana. Abantwana baye baba ngabacinezeli kubudlelwane babo beentsapho, kwaye olu hlobo lokuziphatha lunokufikelela esikolweni.
Ukunika abantwana yonke into (amathoyizi, imali, izinto), ukubavumela benze nantoni na abayifunayo, ukuzinikela kwiminqweno yabo, yimpazamo, kuba kuya kubenza babe nomona, bangabi namdla, kwaye bachitheke. Ukuziphatha kwabantwana akubonakali ngengozi.
Umnqweno wokuba ngundoqo wengqwalaselo, ukuba ngundoqo wengqwalaselo, kunye nokuvavanya imida yinto eqhelekileyo kubantwana abaphakathi kweminyaka emi-4 ne-8 ubudala. Ingxaki ivela xa iba yindlela yokuziphatha ehlala ihleli nengalawulwayo. Kwezinye iimeko, aba ngabantwana abazali babo ababanike ingqalelo egqithisileyo. Banikwe imida embalwa. Abafundiswanga ukuhlonipha ixesha okanye imithetho. Yiyo loo nto bephazamisa incoko yabantu abadala okanye benze izinto "ezihlekisayo" ukuze bafumane ingqalelo yomntu wonke.
Le meko idla ngokudibana nabazali abakhusela ngokugqithisileyo, apho umntwana ethatha indima ephambili aze abe ngumlawuli wekhaya, efuna ukulawula iishedyuli kunye nezinto azithandayo, aze akhethe neenkqubo zikamabonwakude. Ukuzimela okukhuthazwa ngokubenza babe yindawo ephambili yokuqwalasela kusapho nakuluntu olusebenzisa abathengi kubakhokelela ekubeni bangakholelwa ukuba abanye (abazali, abantakwabo, oontanga, njl.njl.) bakhona kwaye banamalungelo abo. Ke ngoko, xa befikelela kwiminyaka yokufikisa, abanye basabela ngogonyamelo okanye baphuhlise ezinye izifo kuba inyani ibonakala inganyamezeleki kubo.
Ngoko ke, ootitshala, iingcali zengqondo, kunye neengcali zezentlalo bayavuma ukuba olu tshintsho olukhulu kuluntu lubangelwa kukungabikho kwexesha lokuba ngumzali, ukungabikho kwezikhokelo zemfundo, mhlawumbi nokungabikho kokuvuthwa kwabazali banamhlanje. Ingcali yezengqondo uCh. Oliver ithi kule mihla, abantwana balindelwe kwaye banqweneleka, kodwa abazali bafuna kuphela ukuncuma kwabo kungekhona iingxaki abazibangelayo. Kwaye ukuze ukhulise abantwana, umntu kufuneka azi ukuba angathini!
Ukuze kubekho uphuhliso lobuntu olusempilweni kunye nokusebenzisana nabantu, kufuneka kubekho ulungelelwano phakathi kwesidingo somntwana sokwenza izinto ezifunwa ngabanye kunye nokukwazi kwakhe ukuqonda izinto ezifunwa ngabanye kuye. Le nkqubo iqala kunyaka wokuqala wobomi, nto leyo ibalulekileyo kodwa ayiguqukiyo ekukhuleni komntwana.
Uqeqesho luba yinto ebalulekileyo kunyaka wesibini wobomi bomntwana, nangona isiseko esihle soqeqesho bekufanele ukuba sakhiwe kwangethuba ngononophelo olunenkathalo kunye nokusekwa kancinci kancinci kweenkqubo. Iingcamango zokulungileyo nokungalunganga, kunye nokukwazi ukubona izinto ngokwembono yomnye umntu, kufuneka zikhuliswe kuqala ngabazali. Olu phuhliso, inyathelo lokuqala nelibaluleke kakhulu ekuhlaliseni umntwana, lwenzeka xa kukhula ukuzimisela ukwenza oko kuceliweyo kuye. Ukuthembana komntwana nothando ngabazali bakhe kubaluleke kakhulu, njengoko kuqinisekisa ukuba umntwana ukwicala elifanayo nabo bafundisa izifundo zokuziphatha zobomi (imithetho).
Nangona kunjalo, abantwana abasoloko besenza into abayifunayo (abazithathi izinto zokudlala zabo kwaye ukuba banyanzelwa ukuba balile, okanye bakhuphe umsindo, abafuni ukuya kulala bodwa, kwaye ukuba abazali babo bayakwenza oko bayalila,…) banokukutolika oko kuvumela izinto njengokungakhathali: bavakalelwa kukuba akukho nto bayenzayo ibaluleke ngokwaneleyo ukuba abazali babo bayikhathalele.
Uninzi lwabazali lusebenzisa iindlela zokuqeqesha ezisekelwe kwiindlela ezimbalwa ezisisiseko: iindlela ezingaguqukiyo okanye ezivumela izinto ukuba zihambe, ezilawulayo, ezikhusela ngokugqithisileyo, kunye nezindlela zentando yesininzi.
Imodeli engaqhelekanga okanye evumelayo:
Uhlobo: Chonga isimo sengqondo somntwana kunye nokuziphatha kwakhe. Ukuvumela izinto kunye nokungenzi nto. Inkululeko engenamida. Ukungoneliseki ngumntwana njengomntu. Ukusilela ukunika umzekelo osebenzayo. Ukungavisisani. Ukungangqinelani.
Iinkolelo zabazali: Njengabazali, simele senze abantwana bethu bonwabe kwaye bathobele. Iziphumo ezibacaphukisayo aziphumeleli. Abantwana bayasebenzisana ukuba bakholelwa ukuba kulungile.
Bavelisa ebantwaneni babo: Ukuziphatha okungenamdla ekuhlaleni. Ubunzima bokungena kumaqela angavumiyo. Iimvakalelo zokungabi naluthando. Ukungazithembi, ixhala. Ukungazithembi nokuzeyisa. Ukungahloniphi ootitshala. Ukungabikho kwemithetho. Ukuxhomekeka, ukungahloniphi, ukuzingca. Abantwana bakholelwa ukuba abazali babo kufuneka babakhonze. Izimo zengqondo ezivavanya imida, ziphikisane nemithetho negunya. Ziyabadinisa abazali babo.
UxanduvaAbazali basombulula iingxaki. Zisombululwa ngentshutshiso. Abantwana bahlala bephumelela. Abantwana bayaqonda ukuba abazali kufuneka basombulule iingxaki zabo.
Amandla kunye nolawulo: yabantwana.
Imodeli yobuzwilakhe.
Tipo: Ukuzithoba ngoloyiko kwiimfuno zabazali. Ukuphathwa ngqongqo, ngogonyamelo, nangokuqatha. Kusetyenziswa ukunyanzela, ukunyanzela, kunye nokutyhola ngokweemvakalelo… ukugculelwa, ukulungiswa ngokugqithisileyo, kunye nokugculelwa. “Bayafunda ukuba kuyabuhlungu.” Inkxaso yezixhobo iyanikezelwa, kodwa igqwethwa kukuxinezeleka komzali. Umntwana akakhululekile ukuziveza okanye ukuziphatha. Imida ngaphandle kwenkululeko. Impumelelo ayiqiniswa; ukusilela kuyahlawuliswa. Iileyibhile ezimbi zinamathele kubuntu bakhe.
Iinkolelo zabazaliAbazali banegunya kwaye kufuneka balisebenzise ngentsebenziswano okanye ngaphandle kwentsebenziswano yabantwana babo. Iimfuno zabo ziya kusebenza xa beba ngabazali ngokwabo.
Bavelisa ebantwaneni babo: Ukujonga abazali njengabachasayo. Ingqumbo. Ukusilela kwiinguqu zezakhono zentlalo. Ukungakwazi ukuzilawula nokuzilawula. Ukwahlulwa kokuziphatha yimithombo yangaphandle yolawulo. Ubunzima bokuqonda amaxabiso okuziphatha nokuziphatha. Inkuthazo ephantsi yokuphumelela. Ukusebenza kakubi kwezemfundo. Ukulungelelaniswa okubi kwezentlalo neemvakalelo. Ubundlobongela nokungavumi. Umsindo, inkani, impindezelo, ukungazithembi, kunye nokuzithoba ngoloyiko.
umthwaloIingxaki zisonjululwa ngenkani. Abazali bahlala bephumelela. Ngabo abagqibayo nabasombulula yonke into. Abantwana bacinga ukuba abazali babo kufuneka basombulule iingxaki zabo. Iindlela zabo zokuzisombulula ziyingozi.
Amandla kunye nolawulo; yabazali.
Imodeli ye-monopoly/yokukhusela ngokugqithisileyo.
UhloboOkukhethekileyo. Ixhala likayise. Ukungazithembi.
Iinkolelo zabazaliAbantwana kufuneka bakhathalelwe, bakhuselwe, kwaye baphathwe kakuhle ngamaxesha onke ngelixa behlala ekhayeni labazali babo. Baza kukhula baze bathathe uxanduva lwabo xa sele bekhulile.
Ivelisa ebantwaneniUkuxhomekeka. Ukungabi namdla wokuqalisa izinto. Ukuzingca. Ukunganyamezelani. Ubuzwilakhe. Ukungazilungiseleli kakuhle izinto
umthwaloKuxhomekeke kubazali. Abantwana bangabantu nje, baxhomekeke kubo. Ifilosofi ithi "yonke into ilungiselelwe abantwana kodwa ngaphandle kwabantwana."
Imodeli yokuxhasa/yentando yesininzi ekhuthazayo.
UhloboIgunya kwincoko. Uthando. Uvelwano. Ukuqonda. Ufuna ukuthobela ngokuzithandela, ulawulo lwangaphakathi. Udala umoya wenkululeko ngaphakathi kwemida. Usapho ngumthombo wentlalo-ntle.
Iinkolelo zabazali: Abazali badla ngokucinga ukuba abantwana banokuzisombulula iingxaki ngokwabo. Abantwana kufuneka bavunyelwe ukuba bakhethe baze benze izigqibo ukuze bafunde ngemiphumo yazo. Abantwana baya kusebenzisana nabo ukuba bayakhuthazwa ukuba benze njalo.
Ivelisa ebantwaneni: Abantu abalungeleleneyo. Ukuzithemba. Ukuziphatha okubangela umnqweno. Ukuzimela. Ukuqiniseka. Uxanduva lomntu ngamnye. Ukuziphatha okuxabisekileyo kwezentlalo. Uxanduva kunye nentsebenziswano.
Uxanduva: Iingxaki zisonjululwa ngokubambisana, abazali nabantwana besebenzisana. Wonke umntu uyaphumelela. Wonke umntu uyahloniphana.
Amandla kunye nolawuloNgokuxhomekeke kwindlela abanokuyisingatha ngayo le meko, uyabanika yona.
Kwiimodeli zoqeqesho ezikhankanyiweyo, ezo zisetyenziswa ngabazali babantwana abaneengxaki zokuziphatha okanye abangoozwilakhe yimodeli yokukhusela ngokugqithisileyo kunye nemodeli yokuvumela izinto.
Apha ngezantsi kukho iividiyo ezimbini ezivela kwiinkqubo zikamabonwakude ezaziwayo, iSupernanny (Rocío Ramos) kunye neBig Brother (Pedro García). Njengoko uza kubona, abalinganiswa bethu abaphambili babonisa iingxaki zokuziphatha, ezidla ngokukhokelela abazali ekuphelelweni lithemba. Njengoko sele sitshilo, ezi ngxaki zivela kukungabikho kwexesha abazali abalichitha ekukhuliseni abantwana babo, ukungabikho kwezikhokelo zemfundo, mhlawumbi nokungabikho kokuvuthwa kwabazali banamhlanje. Ngamafutshane, aba ngabantwana okanye abakwishumi elivisayo, xa babesebancinci, babevunyelwa ukuba benze nantoni na abayifunayo ngabazali babo, ngaphandle kokubeka imida okanye ukubanika uxanduva.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKsHz7Ev7BY[/youtube]
Jonga izikhokelo ezisetyenziswa nguRocío Ramos ukufundisa kwakhona abalinganiswa bethu abaphambili. Zilula njengokubeka imida, ukunika uxanduva… kwaye ngale ndlela, ukubenza baqonde ukuba xa bengayilandeli imithetho ebekwe ekhaya, bayagwetywa. Yindlela yokuba abantwana bethu babone ukuba ayingobazali ababahlwayayo, kodwa endaweni yoko bazihlwaya ngokwabo ngokungalandeli imithetho.
[ividiyo kaGoogle] http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6276275283800960085&hl=es&emb=1#[/ividiyo kaGoogle]
Imithombo:
- Ukuphazamiseka kokuziphatha ebuntwaneni nasebusheni. UHerbert, M.
- Abazali abathobelayo, abantwana abangoozwilakhe. Isizukulwana esixhalabele ubuhlobo ngaphezu kwendima yaso njengabazali. UPrado, E. kunye no-Amaya, J.
- Iimodeli zosapho; ukuqonda nokusombulula iingxaki phakathi kwabazali nabantwana. Nardone, G
- Umlawuli Omncinci. U-Urra J.
- Imifanekiso: www.crecerfeliz.es
- IiVideoswww.cuatro.com
Iingcebiso:
- Umlawuli Omncinci. U-Urra J.
- Ukufundisa ngengqiqo. Urra, J