Upon the arrival of a new member of the familyParents, in addition to believing their children will benefit from learning from one another, feel insecure about potential clashes and conflicts arising between them. Rivalry is a competition for parental affection, which occurs normally in all families. It depends on the parents to ensure this...degree of normality"Do not exceed the limits of tranquility in the family."
The first step, which we'll take around the second trimester of pregnancy, is for the parents to tell the child that the new member belongs to everyone, is "our baby," and that everyone will love and care for him or her. We should always Make it clear to the child that we love him very much, as well as to the baby.And that the affection will not diminish when the new member arrives. We will make it clear that he will not lose his place.
It is very advisable that Listen to the heartbeat and feel the movements in the mother's bellyIt will also yield good results if... participate in the preparations for the new room And if it's necessary to move him to another room, we'll do it at first so he doesn't feel like the "baby" is taking away his bedroom." When we have the opportunity to visit a friend who has had a sibling, we'll go and see him, so he can become familiar with the affectionate and inevitable comments towards the baby and gradually normalize his interactions with a child.
When the the birth of the sibling occurs at a developmental stage in which the child is vulnerable, such as weaning, the toilet training stage, sleeping in a different room from the parents, or starting nursery school, One must be very careful because situations of intense jealousy can occur.
Jealousy itself implies that the child believes that what he thinks he has had until now is now possessed by the other person. Some parents consider it "bad" for a child to feel jealous and believe it's a flaw. But we have to recognize that Jealousy is universalwhich are part of the characteristics of every human being and which will disappear when, over time, they realize that there are no reasons.
To act during the child's restless period, It's very good to talk about these feelings.Talking about it helps children become aware of what's bothering them and gives them confidence that their parents can help. It also has a calming effect to know they're not alone in what they're going through.
SOME MANIFESTATIONS OF JEALOUSY IN CHILDREN
We will highlight some easily observable and frequent behaviors:
- Open rivalry: it is manifested verbally towards the other: "I don't want the little brother", "I want you to take him away", etc.
- Aggressive behavior towards the baby: from words to actions; the child takes toys away from his brother, covers his nose, etc.
- Hostility towards the mother: with ways of acting that they know will upset the mother: “disobeying”, systematic “opposition” to what is asked of them, etc.
- No hostility towards himself: “You’re going to get angry with me”…
- Reverting to more childlike behaviors: “putting in a pacifier”, “talking as if they were younger”, etc.
Within each family, children will find their first opportunity to relate to others, to resolve conflict situations, and to find their place within a social group. Considering the importance of this point, we also have to value the place that the child occupies in the family environmentChildren with siblings receive training when they start school. There is no one position that is more or less favorable. Any position one occupies among siblings has advantages or disadvantages.Let's look, however, at some general and typical characteristics:
THE FIRSTBORNAll the expectations and dreams of his parents are placed on him. His insecurities, fears, and inexperiences also become the burden of his parents' insecurities, fears, and inexperience. He has been the only child for a time, and with the arrival of a sibling, he experiences a blow to his sense of self-importance. They are often the role model and It possesses a certain authority. but also He suffers from a great sense of responsibility.
THE MIDDLE. Perhaps this is the most difficult position. Sometimes he's too old to be with the younger children and too young to be with the older ones. At the same time, his maturity is judged arbitrarily: sometimes he's older, sometimes he's younger. However, he usually enjoys a social success and ease that his older brother lacks.
THE BABY. It is usually dependent This can be seen as a sign of weakness compared to their siblings, making it more difficult to achieve independence and autonomy. Insecurity, stubbornness, and instability can be attributed to this position.
THE ONLY SONThe child receives the full-time dedication, affection, and protection of their parents. This can lead to capriciousness or selfishness. Although we might think they don't experience jealousy, this isn't the case. They suffer from the fear of losing their parents' love, of upsetting them, etc. They can even be jealous of a friend.
IS IT NORMAL FOR THEM TO FIGHT AND ARGUE?
In all families, arguments and fights occur that often upset the parents. When there is little age difference between siblings, more conflicts arise.As a general rule when most jealous brothers feel for each other, They will be more likely to argue and fight. As long as no serious consequences occur, it's good. Let them resolve the conflicts themselves. within the family so that they can later resolve these issues outside of it as well. Intervention is only necessary if the potential harm is significant. Efforts must be made to... be impartialListening to both sides of the story and without speculating about who started it. It's important that they can express themselves verbally, show their disagreements, without resorting to physical violence.
Just like summaryWe will gather the attitudes that help and those that do not help in overcoming childhood jealousy, according to the psychologist. Mª VICTÒRIA TABERA:
ATTITUDES THAT HELP OVERCOME CHILDHOOD JEALOUSY
- Recognize the feeling of jealousy as something natural.
- Be tolerant of regressions.
- Give them the opportunity to express their discomfort.
- Tell them about personal experiences with our siblings when we were little kids.
- Pay attention to successes with interest.
- Avoid tempting situations.
- Offer situations highlighting the advantages of being older.
- Encourage contact with children of their own age.
- Ask for the child's help in caring for his brother.
- To say that children are the responsibility of the parents who wanted them to be born
- Tell him that his jealousy will disappear.
- Do not rule out consulting a specialist.
THEY DON'T HELP
- Hiding the parents' feelings of affection towards the baby.
- Demanding too much of the child.
- Dramatize the child's feeling of jealousy.
- Making comparisons between children.
- Expressing a preference for one
- Intervening prematurely in fights.
- Becoming rigid or intolerant with regressions.
- Discuss the child's difficulties in their presence with other adults.
- Scolding or getting angry very often.
- Give very effusive praise when he shows affection to the brother.
- Make him promise that he will get along.
Sources:
- How to mitigate sibling rivalry, Brazelton, Terry
- The Jealous Boy, Ortigosa Quiles, Juan Manuel.
Recommendations:
- Ana Doesn't Want to Grow Up, by Rose Rius. Stories to Feel. (to read to children)